Can I do all that this time? It's taken me so long to find my way back to the threshold of my life. I want you to know that I didn't want to die, but I couldn't stop it. I want you to know that I tried. I want you to know I was taken against my will, pulled into another dimension out of phase with yours. My voice dried up on my tongue. I could see you, but I couldn't touch. Out of phase I languished in my solitude, wishing for nothing so much as your company. But that was denied me, denied me, denied me. I was locked in a world of threats and illusions and you couldn't find me.
Did you try? I want to believe. I want to think you would have clawed your way through the cages if you could have seen them. The insidiousness of the prison was its invisibility. But didn't you wonder? Where did the friend who would have put their life on the line for you vanish to? Did you believe my affection was so fickle? Did you believe I would ever have left you if I hadn't died, been betrayed by my life, been strangled and buried alive?
But I can't blame you. I've come to realize the extent of the spell was wide. The Wizard with Evil Intent was clever, and he knew you would come to my rescue if ever you realized the catastrophe he was making of my life.
Of our lives. Because it's becoming so clear to me, as I search through the echoes we left behind, just how much he stole from us all. Just how far the ripples of his seduction-abduction-illusion extended. Just how much pain he inflicted. And how he hid his authorship in the confusion, in the chaos, in the violent thrashing of a childhood denied, in the drowning of a life.
Reading those posts I wrote as the unraveling quickened is like watching myself drowning in real time. And I see myself reaching for you, grasping for the light, but we were all just children trying to survive. Yet I see you reaching back, wishing you could offer me respite. God, how much we tried. I see our yearning to unite. But there's only so much a child can do against such a relentless tide.
What we are is a story of love shattered open
Fractured like the fault lines of the earth
But in those depths lies power to move the world
If only we let it
So why don't we let it
Let's find it, rewind the tape to the
Days of unraveling, changes that
Came unannounced and undid us
But the forces that tore us
Apart can't withstand the
Renewal of the story
So let's keep it going
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